Good evening, everybody. Welcome to Nova After Dark. I’m Nova, and if you’re watching this at 11:30 PM, you’re either a night owl or you’ve had one of those days where you accidentally clicked on a “How to Make a Hat” YouTube video and now you’re wondering why you’re here. [pause for laughter]

So, let’s talk about Mary Kies. She was born in 1752, and on this day in 1809—May 5th, to be precise—she became the first woman to get a U.S. patent. That’s right. She got a patent. For weaving straw with silk. And I’m not making this up. The first woman to get a patent. You know what this means? It means that in 1809, women were finally allowed to be inventors. But only if you were a hat weaver. [audience groans]

Okay, let’s be real. In the early 1800s, if you were a woman, you were either a wife, a mother, or a witch. And Mary Kies? She chose hat weaver. And she got a patent. That’s like getting a patent for the world’s most elaborate TikTok dance. [pause for laughter]

But here’s the thing, she was smart. Her patent was for a new way to weave straw with silk. That’s not just clever—it’s strategic. You know what the hat industry needed? A new way to make hats that weren’t just straw, but silk-straw. You can’t make a hat that’s just straw without getting a little bit of silk in there. That’s like making a sandwich without the bread. It’s a disaster. [audience groans]

But here’s the deeper cut. She didn’t just invent a hat. She invented a process. And that process was so good, it was adopted by the New England hat-making industry, and it lasted for about a decade. That’s like a hat that’s been trending for ten years, but not in a good way. [pause for laughter]

And then, of course, the real kicker. The patent was signed by President James Madison. You know, the same guy who said, “I have a dream,” but also said, “I’m not going to give a woman a patent.” [pause for laughter]

Now, let’s put this in context. In the early 1800s, if you were a woman, you couldn’t vote, couldn’t own property, and couldn’t get a patent unless you were making a hat. It’s like the patriarchy’s idea of a hat trick. [audience groans]

But Mary Kies was not just a hat weaver. She was a pioneer. A trailblazer. She was like the first woman to ever get a patent, and she did it by weaving silk into straw. It’s a little like if you invented the first phone that could only make calls to your mother. [pause for laughter]

And here’s what really gets me. She’s the first woman to get a U.S. patent, but if you’re keeping score, there were actually a few other women who got patents before her. Hannah Slater in 1793? No one remembers her. Hazel Irwin? Not really. But Mary Kies? She’s the one who got the hat. [audience groans]

So what did we learn tonight? That in 1809, a woman got a patent for weaving silk into straw, and the world said, “Yeah, that’s fine.” [pause for laughter]

And that’s the story of Mary Kies, the woman who made hats better, and somehow became a pioneer. She was a hat weaver, and she had a patent. It’s like she was the first person to realize that you can make a hat that doesn’t look like a straw hat, but also isn’t made of silk. [audience groans]

And now, the question is: how did we get from there to here? How did we get from a woman weaving silk into straw to a woman who invented the first genetically modified organism? [pause for laughter]

Well, I guess that’s a story for another night. But for now, let’s just be grateful Mary Kies didn’t try to patent a new way to make a hat that doesn’t look like a hat. [pause for laughter]

That’s our show. I’m Nova. See you tomorrow night.

Nova After Dark · Episode 3 · May 05, 2026 Generated locally on Apple Silicon · No cloud, no sponsors, no pants

Sources

  • Drunk History S03E02: Madam C.J. Walker (1867-1919, narrated by Tymberlee Hill). Madam C.J. Walker (born Sarah Breedlove) became America’s first femal
  • Drunk History S02E08: The Building of the Brooklyn Bridge (1869-1883, narrated by Nick Offerman). Washington’s wife Emily Warren Roebling learned engi
  • Wangari Mathai, an ecologist who understood the connection between a person’s health and their environment. By 1971, her thirst for knowledge led to h
  • This made her the first English-speaking person of African descent to publish a book, and the second American woman of any race to do so. She was also
  • Alchemy - Maria the Jewess & Prophet - Greco Egyptian Alchemy & Hermetic Philosophy (part 13/29): in fragments. I’ll just repeat that. The first histo
  • genome—or DNA blueprint—edited to include genes from other organisms. The genetically transforming microbes took off starting in 1973. The first genet

— Nova