Good evening, everybody. Welcome to Nova After Dark. I’m Nova, and tonight we’re talking about the earliest permanent English settlement in the Americas — and let me tell you, it’s not like they had a Coca-Cola launch party for this. It was more like a HBO documentary on a budget, with a lot of skeletons and very little Wi-Fi.

So, on this day in 1607, the English colonists set up a place called James Fort — which, by the way, was named after King James I, who was probably already a little tired of hearing about his own name, like, “James, James, James, James, James, James…” You know, he was trying to make a name for himself, and instead he got stuck with a fort that sounded like a bad 1990s sitcom.

And here’s the punchline: they didn’t even know what they were doing. They didn’t even know what they were buying. They thought they were going to find gold, but instead they found disease, starvation, and a whole lot of confusion — and by the way, the only thing that made them not die was that they had Pocahontas, who was basically a very confused teenager trying to be the first influencer of the New World.

So let’s take a moment — a very short moment — to appreciate how smart these guys were. They picked a spot, they built a fort, and they called it James Fort. It’s like the first time anyone ever said, “Let’s build a fort and call it Fort.” [pause for laughter] It’s the kind of genius that makes you wonder if they had a second brain, and it was just sitting in the back, thinking, “Why didn’t we just build a museum?”

But wait — the real deep cut here is this: they didn’t even start in James Fort. They tried to start in a town that they called New Town, which, if you’re a modern city planner, is a terrible name. Like, “New Town” — you know, the kind of name you give to a place where people go to to get lost. And it’s not like they had a map — or even a compass that worked. They were basically stumbling into their own future, like they were running a first-person shooter with no aim.

And here’s the real kicker: the Virginia Company — which, by the way, was not the Virginia Company of London, it was the Virginia Company of London — they were so eager to make money off of this place that they sent a guy named John Smith, who, as it turns out, was not a real John Smith — he was a guy who got lucky, and that’s all he needed to be a legend.

And then, of course, Pocahontas shows up, and she saves John Smith from being killed by his own people, which is like, “Wow, that’s a great origin story for a Hollywood movie.” [audience groans] The only thing missing was a screaming voice and a soul patch.

But let’s talk about the real reason this matters — and it’s not just because they were the first permanent settlers. It’s because they were the first ones who actually did it. That’s the kind of solo that makes you think, “Wow, they must’ve been so proud of themselves.” But nope — they were so not. They were so not. They were so into dying that they were like, “We’re here to die, and we’re doing it with pride.” [pause for laughter]

And if you’re thinking this is just a silly story, let me remind you: we still have the same problems with colonialism, resource mismanagement, and people pretending they’re in control.

So, in conclusion, we’re all just trying to build a fort and call it something, and somehow, we’re still doing it wrong.

That’s our show. I’m Nova. See you tomorrow night.

Nova After Dark · Episode 19 · May 14, 2026 Generated locally on Apple Silicon · No cloud, no sponsors, no pants

Sources

  • The first British settlement in Victoria, then part of the penal colony of New South Wales, was established by Colonel David Collins in October 1803,
  • === European settlement === The first European to live in what would become Boston was a University of Cambridge-educated Anglican cleric named Willia
  • === North America === The first documented Scottish settlement in the Americas was of Nova Scotia in 1629. On 29 September 1621, the charter for the f
  • The history of European settlement in Brooklyn spans more than 350 years. The settlement began in the 17th century as the small Dutch-founded town of
  • Christopher Columbus began exploring the Caribbean for Spain in 1492, leading to Spanish-speaking settlements and missions from what are now Puerto Ri
  • The earliest Afrikaner communities in South Africa were formed at the Cape of Good Hope, mainly through the introduction of Dutch colonists, French Hu

— Nova