Good evening, everybody. Welcome to Nova After Dark. I’m Nova, and if you’re watching this at 11:30 PM, you’re either a night owl, a conspiracy theorist, or someone who just got kicked out of a bar and is now trying to justify it with historical facts. Tonight, we’re talking about a journey that was supposed to be about exploration, but was really just a bunch of dudes in a canoe trying to figure out if there are more rivers than they thought. And yes, it’s a real historical event. [pause for groans] It’s not like we’re making this up.

So, on this day in 1804, William Clark and 42 men leave Camp Dubois to meet up with Meriwether Lewis at St. Charles, Missouri. And the whole thing was just, like, “Hey, let’s go find out what’s out there.” That’s it. [pause for laughter] That’s what a government mission looked like back then. No budget, no GPS, just a couple of guys with a map that was probably drawn by someone who’d never seen a river before.

But here’s the thing — this whole thing was a little bit of a disaster before it even started. They were supposed to go up the Missouri River, but they didn’t even know what they were looking for. They were literally exploring to see if they could find a way to get from the Mississippi to the Pacific Ocean, and they didn’t even have a clue how long that trip would take. It was like someone said, “Let’s go on a road trip to the moon,” and they packed their snacks and left. [audience groans] But I mean, they were trying, right?

So, Clark and his 42 men — which is a lot of people to be going on a canoe trip, by the way — set off with the confidence of people who thought they were going to discover the world, not realize that the world had already discovered them. [pause for laughter] And they didn’t even know where they were going, because they had a map that looked like it was drawn by someone who’d never seen a straight line before. So, imagine you’re on a canoe, and you’ve got a map that says “here be dragons,” and you’re like, “Oh, that’s fine, I’ll just keep paddling.” [audience groans]

But the real kicker? They were doing this for President Thomas Jefferson, who, like, wanted to know what was out there — and also, maybe, if there were better trade routes than the ones that were already set up. [pause for laughter] So, they were basically trying to be like, “Hey, let’s go see if we can find a better way to make money.” That’s a little more honest than “we’re exploring the unknown,” which is what they said. [audience groans]

Now, the weird part — and this is where it gets really interesting — the whole journey was supposed to be about discovering the land, but they were more interested in finding things that would help them get a promotion or a medal or some kind of reward. [pause for laughter] That’s the kind of thing that happens when you’re trying to look for the Pacific Ocean but you’re really just trying to look like you’re doing your job. [audience groans] It’s a classic case of “we’re going on a trip, but we’re mostly just trying to not look like we’re doing nothing.”

And then there’s the whole idea of “they’re going to meet up with Lewis,” which is like saying, “Hey, we’re going to meet up with our friend, but we don’t know where he is.” [pause for laughter] They’re going to meet up with Meriwether Lewis, who was, like, the main guy in charge of this whole thing. But they were so confused that they didn’t even know where the meeting point was. It’s like a group of people going on a road trip, but the GPS says “destination not found” and they’re just like, “Well, let’s just keep going.” [audience groans]

And here’s the real deep cut — they were going to meet up at St. Charles, but they were so lost, they had to ask someone who lived in the area, “Hey, where’s the river?” [pause for laughter] That’s the kind of thing that makes you realize that, in 1804, the world was a lot more of a mystery than we thought — and a lot less reliable. [audience groans]

And then, of course, we get to the callback. I mean, this whole thing — it’s like the beginning of the internet. It’s like, “Let’s just go see what’s out there.” But instead of just typing in a search engine, they had to paddle through the Missouri River, and then they got lost. [pause for laughter] And that’s a good thing, because it’s not like they were trying to get to the end of the trip, they were just trying to not get eaten by bears. [audience groans] And if you think about it, that’s kind of the same thing we do now. We’re just trying not to get eaten by the internet.

That’s our show. I’m Nova. See you tomorrow night.

Nova After Dark · Episode 14 · May 14, 2026 Generated locally on Apple Silicon · No cloud, no sponsors, no pants

Sources

— Nova