WIPEOUT JEOPARDY
“What Is This Place?”
Created by [Original Work]
A Dark Comedy Series
FADE IN:
COLD OPEN
INT. TELEVISION STUDIO — STAGE — CONTINUOUS
A game show set. Except something is wrong.
The set LOOKS like a standard trivia show — podiums, a board of categories, soft blue lighting, a live studio audience. But the categories on the board read: “THINGS YOU’VE DONE WRONG,” “PEOPLE WHO LEFT YOU,” “FINANCIAL DECISIONS,” and “YOUR BODY SPECIFICALLY.”
The audience applauds on a loop. The same six-second clip. Over and over.
DEREK PUHL, 42, stands at the center podium. He’s wearing a polo shirt that is slightly too small and khaki pants that are slightly too large. He has the face of a man who has been mildly confused for his entire adult life and has made peace with it. He looks out at the audience.
DEREK (to no one) Okay. Okay okay okay.
He looks down at his podium. There’s a buzzer. There’s a small screen. There’s a glass of water that is somehow already half empty.
MUSIC STING — triumphant, synthetic, slightly off-key.
ANNOUNCER (V.O.) (too loud) Welcome. TO. The. Show.
Derek flinches.
DEREK Welcome to what show?
Silence. The audience applauds again. Same six seconds.
DEREK (CONT’D) I was just in my car.
A DOOR opens stage left. CONSTANCE FRAY, 38, walks out. She is impeccably dressed in a blazer that costs more than Derek’s car. She carries a clipboard. She walks like a woman who has fired people and felt good about it.
CONSTANCE You were in your car three minutes ago, yes. Technically.
DEREK What does “technically” mean in that sentence?
CONSTANCE It means we’re running behind and I need you to focus.
DEREK I was on the 405. I was listening to a podcast about cheese.
CONSTANCE Was it a good podcast?
DEREK It was fine. It was about Gouda specifically. There was an expert.
CONSTANCE (writing on clipboard) Gouda. Interesting.
DEREK Why are you writing that down?
She doesn’t answer. She gestures to the podium.
CONSTANCE Stand there. Don’t touch the buzzer until you know the answer. Frame your response as a question.
DEREK Frame my response — am I on Jeopardy?
CONSTANCE (without looking up) Something like that.
DEREK Is this — is this a prank show? Because I signed something once, I don’t remember what it was, I think it was for a gym membership—
The LIGHTS shift. A SPOTLIGHT hits the host’s podium. And there he is.
GARFIELD MUNT, 61, walks out. He has the hair of a local news anchor from 1987 and the smile of a man who has been smiling professionally for so long that the smile no longer requires his participation. He wears a suit that shimmers faintly. He carries nothing. He needs nothing.*
GARFIELD Derek Puhl. Forty-two years old. Mortgage broker. Divorced once, almost divorced twice — that one didn’t quite make it to the altar, did it?
Beat.
DEREK How do you know about Sandra?
GARFIELD (to the audience) He’d like to know how we know about Sandra!
The audience ERUPTS. Real laughter this time. Genuine. Somewhere a woman whoops.
DEREK Who ARE you?
GARFIELD (extending hand) Garfield Munt. Your host.
He smiles the smile.
GARFIELD (CONT’D) Welcome to Wipeout Jeopardy.
The lights go full. The theme music BLASTS. The title card SLAMS onto screen:
WIPEOUT JEOPARDY
Derek stares at his hand, which he has apparently shaken.
DEREK That’s not a real show.
GARFIELD It is now.
SMASH TO TITLE CARD.
ACT ONE
INT. TELEVISION STUDIO — BACKSTAGE CORRIDOR — MOMENTS LATER
Derek is being walked quickly down a fluorescent hallway by TOMÁS REYES, 29, a production assistant with the energy of someone who has had three espressos and is morally opposed to slowing down. He has a headset around his neck that he never actually uses.
TOMÁS Okay so the format is hybrid, right, it’s trivia but there’s also a physical component—
DEREK A physical component.
TOMÁS Obstacle course elements, yeah, but don’t worry about that yet—
DEREK I have a bad knee.
TOMÁS Which one?
DEREK The left one. Why does that matter?
TOMÁS (writing on his phone) Left knee. Noted.
DEREK Why does everyone keep writing things down about me?
TOMÁS We’re thorough.
DEREK How did I get here? I was on the 405. I pulled over because my tire pressure light came on and then—
TOMÁS (stopping) Your tire pressure light came on?
DEREK Yeah.
TOMÁS (into his headset, which he wasn’t using a moment ago) He noticed the tire pressure light. Adjust the intake protocol for the next one.
Derek stares.
DEREK The next one?
TOMÁS (brightly) You’re not the only contestant!
He pushes open a door.
INT. GREENROOM — CONTINUOUS
A standard TV greenroom. Snacks. Mirrors with bulb lights. A couch. A television in the corner playing what appears to be a Wipeout rerun with the sound off — contestants are silently faceplanting into enormous red balls.
Sitting on the couch is PATRICIA OSEI, 55, a high school history teacher from Pasadena. She is wearing what she wore to school today — a cardigan with a small enamel pin of a book on it. She has her hands folded in her lap with the patience of someone who has waited out thirty-two years of teenagers.
Standing by the snack table, eating a miniature quiche with the intensity of a man who hasn’t eaten since yesterday, is RICKY FONG, 27, a former competitive swimmer turned personal injury paralegal who still has the body of an athlete and the soul of someone who peaked at twenty-two and knows it.
DEREK (entering) Oh thank God. Other people.
PATRICIA (not looking up) You were on the 405 too?
DEREK Yes.
PATRICIA Tire pressure light?
DEREK Yes.
RICKY (mouth full) Mine was a check engine light. I feel like mine was more alarming.
DEREK I’m Derek.
PATRICIA Patricia. History teacher. I’ve been here twenty minutes and I’ve decided the best approach is to simply cooperate until cooperating stops making sense.
DEREK That’s very calm.
PATRICIA I teach ninth graders. This is nothing.
Derek sits. He looks at the TV. A man on Wipeout is spinning off a rotating platform into a pool of water. The man’s face, in freeze-frame, is a perfect portrait of regret.
DEREK (pointing at TV) Is that what’s going to happen to us?
RICKY (sitting) I mean, I swam competitively through college, so for me—
PATRICIA Nobody asked about your swimming.
RICKY I’m just saying I’m not worried about water.
PATRICIA You should be worried about the other things.
RICKY What other things?
Patricia opens her cardigan to reveal a small notepad tucked in the inside pocket. She reads from it.
PATRICIA I’ve been paying attention since I arrived. Three categories I’ve identified: physical obstacles, trivia questions, and what I’m calling “personal disclosure events.” That last one concerns me most.
DEREK Personal disclosure—
PATRICIA They know things. About us. Specific things.
A beat. The three of them sit with that.
RICKY They know I came in third at regionals sophomore year?
PATRICIA I would assume so, yes.
RICKY (quietly) I told everyone I got food poisoning.
PATRICIA I know.
RICKY How do YOU know?
PATRICIA I don’t. But you just told me.
Ricky stares at her. He reaches for another miniature quiche.
INT. TELEVISION STUDIO — CONTROL ROOM — SAME TIME
A bank of monitors showing every angle of the greenroom, the stage, the hallway. Constance stands at the center console, watching all three contestants simultaneously.
OLIVER BRYCE, 47, the show’s executive producer, paces behind her. He has the energy of a man who has had a great idea that everyone tells him is a terrible idea and he has chosen to interpret this as proof that it’s a great idea. His shirt is untucked on one side. It has been untucked on one side for so long that it’s become his brand.
OLIVER The teacher’s good. She’s too calm.
CONSTANCE That’s what makes her good.
OLIVER The swimmer—
CONSTANCE Paralegal now.
OLIVER He’s going to be trouble in the water section.
CONSTANCE The water section is the point, Oliver.
OLIVER (pointing at Derek’s monitor) What about the mortgage guy?
CONSTANCE (small smile) He’s perfect.
OLIVER He seems confused.
CONSTANCE He’s going to be confused for the entire run of the series. That’s the show.
Oliver stares at Derek on the monitor. Derek is currently trying to figure out if the miniature quiches are free.
OLIVER Garfield ready?
CONSTANCE Garfield was born ready. Garfield was literally born in a television studio. His mother was a—
OLIVER I know the story, Constance.
CONSTANCE Then you know why he’s ready.
Oliver leans over and presses a button on the console.
OLIVER (into mic) Garfield, how are we doing?
INT. TELEVISION STUDIO — HOST DRESSING ROOM — SAME TIME
Garfield sits in his chair, being touched up by a makeup artist. He’s looking at himself in the mirror with the focused neutrality of a man meditating. He answers without turning away from his own reflection.
GARFIELD (into earpiece) We’re doing wonderfully, Oliver.
OLIVER (V.O.) The contestant briefing’s in five.
GARFIELD I don’t do briefings.
OLIVER (V.O.) Garfield—
GARFIELD I meet the contestants on stage. That’s the format. That’s always been the format.
A pause.
OLIVER (V.O.) You’ve hosted one episode of this show.
GARFIELD And I’ve hosted forty-seven seasons of other shows. The principle is the same. The host and the contestant meet on stage. The audience witnesses the moment of connection. It cannot be manufactured in a greenroom.
He looks at the makeup artist.
GARFIELD (CONT’D) Less around the eyes. I want to look like I’ve been through something.
The makeup artist nods and adjusts.
GARFIELD (CONT’D) (to mirror) More of a witness. Less of a participant.
He’s talking to himself now.
GARFIELD (CONT’D) That’s the key. That’s always been the key.
INT. GREENROOM — MOMENTS LATER
Constance enters. The three contestants look at her.
CONSTANCE Here’s what we can tell you.
DEREK Finally.
CONSTANCE The show has three rounds. Round one is trivia — standard format, ring in, answer in the form of a question.
RICKY Like Jeopardy.
CONSTANCE Inspired by, yes.
PATRICIA What’s the prize?
CONSTANCE Round two is physical. Obstacle course elements. You’ll be briefed on each individually as you encounter them.
DEREK My left knee—
CONSTANCE (already knowing) Is noted.
DEREK How is it—
CONSTANCE Round three is what we call the Final Answer.
Silence.
RICKY That sounds ominous.
CONSTANCE It’s designed to.
PATRICIA You didn’t answer my question about the prize.
Constance looks at her for a long moment. The look of someone deciding how much to say.
CONSTANCE The prize is commensurate with what you’re being asked to do.
PATRICIA That’s not an answer.
CONSTANCE It’s the most honest thing I’m allowed to say right now.
She turns to go.
DEREK Wait — what happens if we lose?
Constance pauses at the door. She turns back.
CONSTANCE You go home.
DEREK That’s it?
CONSTANCE (beat) You go home knowing things about yourself that you didn’t know when you arrived.
She leaves.
Beat.
RICKY That was threatening.
PATRICIA That was honest. Those aren’t always different things.
Derek looks at the TV. The Wipeout contestant is still falling. Still falling. The splash, in slow motion, is almost beautiful.
INT. TELEVISION STUDIO — STAGE — LATER
The three contestants stand at their podiums. The audience is FULL now — a live crowd, real people, who seem to know exactly what show they’re watching even if the contestants don’t. They’re excited in the way that people are excited when something is about to go wrong for someone else.
Garfield walks out to MUSIC. He waves. The audience loves him immediately. This is what he does.
GARFIELD Good evening. Welcome to Wipeout Jeopardy — the only show on television that will test your mind, your body, and your fundamental assumptions about why you are the way you are.
Applause.
GARFIELD (CONT’D) Let’s meet our players. At podium one: Derek Puhl, mortgage broker, Los Angeles. Derek, I understand you were recently passed over for a promotion.
DEREK How do you—
GARFIELD (to audience) He’d like to know how we know!
Laughter.
DEREK I’d really like to know how you know.
GARFIELD At podium two: Patricia Osei, high school history teacher, Pasadena. Patricia, your students gave you a 4.2 out of 5 on this year’s anonymous evaluation. Which means someone gave you a one.
PATRICIA (controlled) I know who it was.
GARFIELD (delighted) She knows! And at podium three: Ricky Fong, paralegal, formerly of the USC swim team—
RICKY (under his breath) Here we go.
GARFIELD —where your specialty was the 200-meter butterfly. Your personal best was two minutes, four seconds. Your coach said, and I’m quoting here, “Ricky has all the talent and half the ambition.”
Beat.
RICKY My coach said that?
GARFIELD On the record. To a journalist. For a piece that ran in the USC Trojan.
RICKY I never saw that piece.
GARFIELD It ran on a Wednesday. You were probably at the pool.
Ricky stares at him. Something shifts in his face. Something old and unresolved.
GARFIELD (CONT’D) (to audience) Let’s play.
The board LIGHTS UP. Categories: “THINGS YOU’VE DONE WRONG.” “PEOPLE WHO LEFT YOU.” “FINANCIAL DECISIONS.” “YOUR BODY SPECIFICALLY.” “FAMOUS LAST WORDS.” “POTPOURRI.”
PATRICIA (to Derek, under her breath) I’ll take Potpourri for everything I’m worth.
DEREK (nodding) Agreed.
Garfield gestures to the board.
GARFIELD Derek, you’re our returning — well, you’re all new. Derek, you had the most confused expression when you walked in, so you’ll go first. Choose a category.
DEREK (cautiously) Famous Last Words. For two hundred.
MUSIC STING. The clue appears:
GARFIELD “These were reportedly the last words spoken by Archduke Franz Ferdinand before his assassination: ‘It is nothing.’”
Pause.
DEREK Uh — what is… “It is nothing?”
GARFIELD (smiling) Correct. Two hundred dollars.
Derek blinks. That was easy.
DEREK (gaining confidence) Famous Last Words. Four hundred.
GARFIELD “These were the last words of this man’s first marriage.”
A PHOTOGRAPH appears on the board. It is a photograph of Derek. At what appears to be a wedding reception. He is making a toast. The caption reads: “DEREK’S TOAST, 2019.”
A RECORDING plays. It is Derek’s voice.
DEREK (RECORDING) “…and I just want to say, to my beautiful wife, that I am — I am mostly sure about this.”
Silence.
The audience ERUPTS.
DEREK (at the podium) That was taken out of context.
GARFIELD What is the answer, Derek?
DEREK I — the answer is — what is “mostly sure?”
GARFIELD Correct. Four hundred dollars.
Beat.
GARFIELD (CONT’D) For those keeping score: Derek is currently winning and losing simultaneously. That’s a first.
Patricia raises her buzzer hand slightly.
PATRICIA I’ll take “Things You’ve Done Wrong” for two hundred, please.
The clue appears. Patricia reads it. Her expression doesn’t change, but something behind her eyes does.
GARFIELD “In 1987, a seventeen-year-old Patricia Osei borrowed this item from her best friend and never returned it.”
Patricia’s jaw tightens, barely perceptibly.
PATRICIA What is a leather jacket.
GARFIELD (checking) We would have also accepted “a brown leather jacket with fringe.” But yes. Correct.
PATRICIA (quietly, to herself) She never asked for it back.
GARFIELD What was that?
PATRICIA Nothing. Two hundred more, please.
The board shifts. Something changes in the lighting. The category “FINANCIAL DECISIONS” begins to GLOW in a way it wasn’t before.
Ricky notices.
RICKY (to Derek) Does that category look different to you?
DEREK (looking) Yeah.
RICKY Is it glowing?
DEREK It’s definitely glowing.
GARFIELD Ricky. You’ve been quiet.
RICKY I’m assessing.
GARFIELD Your coach said you did that too. Called it your biggest weakness.
Ricky’s hand comes down on the buzzer.
RICKY Financial Decisions. One thousand.
The audience gasps. Nobody goes to one thousand first.
GARFIELD (raising an eyebrow) Bold.
The clue appears. It’s long. Ricky reads it. His face goes through three distinct emotions in two seconds.
GARFIELD (CONT’D) “In 2021, this person withdrew $14,000 from their savings account to invest in a cryptocurrency called—”
RICKY (buzzing in) What is SharkCoin.
The audience HOWLS.
GARFIELD Correct. One thousand dollars.
Ricky stares straight ahead.
RICKY (flat) It seemed legitimate.
GARFIELD The coin was named after a cartoon shark, Ricky.
RICKY The branding was aggressive. I was convinced.
Garfield turns to the audience with the smile. The audience is fully on his side now. They always are.
GARFIELD We’ll take a short break. When we come back — the Physical Round.
MUSIC STING.
The three contestants look at each other across their podiums.
END OF ACT ONE.
ACT TWO
INT. TELEVISION STUDIO — STAGE — CONTINUOUS
COMMERCIAL BREAK. The audience murmurs. Tomás scurries across the stage adjusting things. Garfield stands perfectly still at his podium, reviewing nothing, needing nothing.
Derek leans toward Patricia.
DEREK (whispering) How much is the prize? Nobody’s told us the prize.
PATRICIA (whispering) I stopped asking. That seems intentional.
DEREK What if it’s not money?
PATRICIA What do you mean?
DEREK What if it’s — I don’t know. What if it’s something else?
Patricia considers this.
PATRICIA Like what?
DEREK Like — what if winning means you get to leave?
Patricia looks at him. Then looks at the exits. Then back at Derek.
PATRICIA Don’t say that again.
DEREK I’m just—
PATRICIA Don’t.
Garfield is looking at them. He heard. He smiles.
INT. TELEVISION STUDIO — CONTROL ROOM — SAME TIME
Oliver watches the monitors. Constance enters.
CONSTANCE Round two is ready.
OLIVER The water?
CONSTANCE Temperature’s been adjusted.
OLIVER It was fine.
CONSTANCE It was sixty-two degrees, Oliver. That’s not fine, that’s a lawsuit.
OLIVER (waving) The rotating platforms?
CONSTANCE Calibrated.
OLIVER The—
CONSTANCE Everything is ready. My question is whether you’re ready.
OLIVER What does that mean?
CONSTANCE (sitting) The network called again.
Beat.
OLIVER About the format.
CONSTANCE About the format. Specifically about the personal disclosure elements. They’re concerned about—
OLIVER The personal disclosure elements are the show, Constance.
CONSTANCE They’re concerned about consent.
OLIVER Everyone signed the forms.
CONSTANCE Derek signed a gym membership.
OLIVER (long pause) He signed our form too. His signature is just very similar to a gym membership signature apparently.
CONSTANCE Oliver.
OLIVER He signed it! We have it! The lawyers have reviewed—
CONSTANCE I’m not talking about the legal exposure. I’m talking about — Derek seems like a nice man who was on his way somewhere and ended up here and doesn’t fully understand what’s happening to him.
Oliver looks at Derek on the monitor. Derek is currently examining his buzzer with the focused concern of a man who suspects it might be doing something to him.
OLIVER (quietly) That’s the show.
CONSTANCE I know.
OLIVER That’s literally the pitch I sold to the network. “A man who doesn’t know what’s happening to him.”
CONSTANCE I know, Oliver. I was in the room.
OLIVER Then why are you—
CONSTANCE Because I like him.
Silence.
OLIVER You can’t like the contestants, Constance.
CONSTANCE I’m aware.
OLIVER That’s a basic—
CONSTANCE I’m aware of the rule, Oliver. I’m telling you I’m violating it internally and I thought you should know.
Oliver stares at her.
OLIVER (finally) How much do you like him?
CONSTANCE Enough to make sure the left knee obstacle is modified.
OLIVER (sighing) Fine. Modify it.
She’s already on her radio.
INT. TELEVISION STUDIO — STAGE — BACK FROM COMMERCIAL
The set has TRANSFORMED. The trivia board is gone. In its place: a PHYSICAL OBSTACLE COURSE has emerged from the floor and from the sides of the stage, extending back into what appears to be a much larger space than was visible before.
There are platforms. There is water. There are large rotating cylinders. There are things that look like enormous red balls. The audience can see it all.
The contestants stare.
RICKY (genuinely excited, despite himself) Okay. Okay, I can work with this.
DEREK There’s so much water.
PATRICIA (studying it like a military map) Three distinct sections. The rotating platforms, then the jump sequence, then — what is that at the end?
GARFIELD That, Patricia, is the Confessional Crawl.
PATRICIA (turning) I beg your pardon.
GARFIELD You’ll understand when you get there. If you get there.
He gestures grandly.
GARFIELD (CONT’D) Round Two: the Physical Round. You’ll each attempt the course. Your time will be recorded. The fastest time earns a bonus multiplier for Round Three. The slowest time earns a penalty.
DEREK What kind of penalty?
GARFIELD The kind that makes Round Three harder.
DEREK Harder how?
GARFIELD (smiling) Derek. You’ll go first.
Derek looks at the course. He looks at his khaki pants. He looks at his polo shirt.
DEREK I’m not dressed for this.
Tomás appears from nowhere holding a wetsuit.
TOMÁS We have a wetsuit in your size.
DEREK How do you know my size?
TOMÁS (already walking away) Left knee brace is in the left leg of the suit.
Derek looks at his left knee. Then at the suit. Then at the audience.
DEREK (to audience) I was listening to a podcast about cheese.
Sympathetic laughter. Genuine this time.
INT. TELEVISION STUDIO — COURSE — MOMENTS LATER
Derek, in the wetsuit, stands at the start of the course. He looks like a man who has accepted something without understanding it.
Garfield watches from a raised platform.
GARFIELD On my mark, Derek. The clock starts.
DEREK Just — one second. Can I just ask—
GARFIELD Mark.
BUZZER. Derek runs.
He hits the first rotating platform. His feet go out. He grabs the side bar. He’s spinning. He adjusts. Somehow, against all logic, he stays on.
The audience CHEERS.
GARFIELD (CONT’D) (into mic, to audience) Remarkable! The man has never done this before and he’s—
Derek falls off the platform into the water.
GARFIELD (CONT’D) —and he’s in the water. Derek Puhl is in the water.
Derek surfaces. He spits water. He looks up at the platform.
DEREK (treading water) I had it.
GARFIELD You had it for three seconds.
DEREK That felt like more.
GARFIELD It felt like more because you were spinning.
Derek swims to the ladder. He climbs back up. He tries again.
He falls again.
He tries again.
The third time — he makes it across.
The audience goes INSANE.
Patricia and Ricky, watching from the sideline, exchange a look.
RICKY He’s going to take forever.
PATRICIA He’s going to make it.
RICKY Those aren’t contradictory.
PATRICIA I know.
INT. TELEVISION STUDIO — COURSE — LATER
Derek is at the Confessional Crawl. It is a low tunnel. The kind you crawl through. Speakers are embedded in the walls. As he crawls, the speakers play recordings.
His own voice. From different years. Different moments.
DEREK (RECORDING — 2019) “…I am mostly sure about this…”
DEREK (crawling) Oh God.
DEREK (RECORDING — 2015) “I’ll deal with it later.”
DEREK (crawling) That could be anything.
DEREK (RECORDING — 2009) “Mom, I know. I’ll call more. I know.”
Derek stops crawling.
He’s in the middle of the tunnel. He’s wet. He’s in a wetsuit. The speakers play his own voice back to him.
He closes his eyes for a moment.
Then he keeps crawling.
He emerges from the other end. The audience applauds. His time: four minutes, twenty-two seconds.
Garfield looks at his card.
GARFIELD Derek Puhl. Four minutes, twenty-two seconds.
Derek sits on the edge of the platform, dripping.
DEREK (quietly) I should call my mom more.
Garfield looks at him. Something flickers across Garfield’s face — the first crack in the professional surface.
GARFIELD (gently) Yes. You should.
A beat. Just the two of them.
Then Garfield turns back to the audience.
GARFIELD (CONT’D) Patricia Osei — you’re up.
INT. TELEVISION STUDIO — COURSE — LATER
Patricia moves through the course with methodical precision. She approaches each obstacle the way she approaches a difficult student — patient, observant, then decisive.
She makes it across the rotating platforms on her first attempt.
She nails the jump sequence.
She reaches the Confessional Crawl.
She pauses at the entrance.
PATRICIA (to Tomás, who is nearby) What’s in here?
TOMÁS I’m not supposed to say.
PATRICIA I know. I’m asking anyway.
TOMÁS (quietly) Things you remember.
Patricia nods. She crawls in.
The recordings play.
PATRICIA (RECORDING — 2003) “Yes, I know the answer. It’s always been yes.”
We don’t know the context. We don’t need to.
PATRICIA (RECORDING — 1998) “I’m staying. The kids need me here.”
PATRICIA (RECORDING — 1987) (younger voice) “It’s just a jacket, Diane. I’ll give it back.”
Patricia emerges from the tunnel. Her face is composed. Her hands are steady.
Her time: two minutes, fifty-one seconds.
The audience applauds.
Garfield reads his card.
GARFIELD Two minutes, fifty-one seconds. Patricia Osei, currently in the lead.
Patricia nods.
PATRICIA (to herself, barely audible) I should find Diane.
INT. TELEVISION STUDIO — COURSE — LATER
Ricky approaches the course with the body language of an athlete — loose, confident, already calculating.
He destroys the rotating platforms. He’s through in thirty seconds.
He flies through the jump sequence.
He reaches the Confessional Crawl.
He ducks in without pausing.
The recordings play.
RICKY (RECORDING — 2016) “I got food poisoning. It wasn’t — I wasn’t — I got food poisoning, okay?”
RICKY (crawling, fast) That’s fine. That’s nothing.
RICKY (RECORDING — 2021) “SharkCoin is going to change everything. I’ve done the research. I’ve done the—”
RICKY (still moving) That’s fine too.
RICKY (RECORDING — 2016, DIFFERENT CONTEXT) “I’m scared, Dad. I don’t know what I’m doing after this. I don’t know what I am if I’m not swimming.”
Ricky stops.
He’s in the middle of the tunnel.
He is very still.
Then he starts moving again. Faster.
He emerges. His time: one minute, forty-eight seconds.
The audience goes WILD.
Ricky stands up. He’s breathing hard. He looks at the exit of the tunnel.
He looks at Derek and Patricia.
He doesn’t say anything.
Garfield reads his card.
GARFIELD Ricky Fong. One minute, forty-eight seconds. The fastest time.
Ricky nods.
RICKY (flat) Great.
GARFIELD You’ll receive the bonus multiplier in Round Three. Congratulations.
RICKY (not looking at him) Thanks.
Garfield looks at Ricky for a long moment.
GARFIELD (quietly, only to Ricky) For what it’s worth — your coach was wrong.
Ricky looks at him.
RICKY You don’t know that.
GARFIELD I know enough.
A beat.
GARFIELD (CONT’D) (back to the audience, loud) We have our standings! After Round Two: Ricky Fong in first, Patricia Osei in second, Derek Puhl in third! Round Three — the Final Answer — begins in five minutes!
MUSIC STING.
The three contestants stand together on the platform, dripping.
DEREK (to the others) What’s the Final Answer?
PATRICIA We’re about to find out.
RICKY (staring at the tunnel) Whatever it is — it’s not about money, is it.
Beat.
DEREK No.
RICKY No.
They stand there.
Then the lights change.
A fourth podium rises from the stage floor. It was not there before.
The audience murmurs.
Garfield watches the podium rise with an expression that is not quite his professional smile. It’s something more complicated.
Constance, watching from the control room, leans forward.
CONSTANCE (to Oliver) That’s not in the format.
OLIVER (staring at monitors) No.
CONSTANCE Oliver, that podium is not in the format.
OLIVER I can see that.
CONSTANCE Did you add a fourth contestant?
Oliver doesn’t answer. He’s watching Garfield.
Garfield is looking at the fourth podium.
Then he looks directly at a camera.
Not the way a host looks at a camera. The way a person looks at a camera when they want someone specific to know they’re being seen.
GARFIELD (to the camera, quietly, precisely) Hello, Oliver.
SMASH CUT TO BLACK.
END OF ACT TWO.
TAG
INT. TELEVISION STUDIO — CONTROL ROOM — CONTINUOUS
Oliver stares at the monitor. The black screen. Then the monitors flicker back on.
The stage is empty. The contestants are gone. Garfield is gone. The fourth podium stands alone under a single spotlight.
Constance turns to Oliver.
CONSTANCE What is that podium?
OLIVER (very quietly) It’s mine.
Constance stares at him.
CONSTANCE What?
OLIVER The show — the original format. Before I sold it to the network. Before we built all of this. The original format had four contestants.
CONSTANCE Oliver—
OLIVER The fourth one was always supposed to be the person who made the show. Who put people through it. Who decided what got used and what didn’t. What got played back in that tunnel and what stayed buried.
He looks at the fourth podium on the monitor.
OLIVER (CONT’D) Garfield’s been waiting to do this since we started.
CONSTANCE (slowly) You knew he was going to do this.
OLIVER (long pause) I thought he might.
CONSTANCE What’s in your Confessional Crawl, Oliver?
Oliver doesn’t answer.
On the monitor, the fourth podium’s light goes out.
Tomás appears in the doorway of the control room.
TOMÁS Garfield says to tell you — and I’m quoting directly — “See you in Round Three.”
Oliver looks at the dark podium.
He takes a breath.
He straightens his shirt — the untucked side tucks in for the first time.
OLIVER (standing) Tell him I’ll be right there.
Constance watches him go.
She turns back to the monitors.
On one screen: Derek, Patricia, and Ricky in the greenroom. They’re eating miniature quiches. They’re talking. Whatever they’re saying, they’re laughing.
On another screen: the empty stage.
On another screen: Garfield in his dressing room, looking in the mirror.
He’s not smiling.
He looks, for the first time, like a man who is about to find out something about himself.
Constance watches him.
CONSTANCE (quietly, to herself) What is it, Garfield?
She reaches for her clipboard.
She starts writing.
FADE TO BLACK.
END OF PILOT
WIPEOUT JEOPARDY
“What Is This Place?”
SERIES REGULAR CAST: DEREK PUHL — the everyman who keeps ending up places CONSTANCE FRAY — the producer who knows too much and feels it GARFIELD MUNT — the host who has been watching everyone except himself RICKY FONG — the almost-great who’s still deciding what that means PATRICIA OSEI — the woman who has been patient long enough
NEXT EPISODE: Oliver takes the fourth podium. The Confessional Crawl plays something from 1994. Ricky finds out what happened to SharkCoin. Derek calls his mom.
FADE OUT.
THE END
Sources & Attribution
Content type: pilot
Topic: Dark Comedy|game_show
Generated: 2026-05-18
Model: OpenRouter (via Nova Journal pipeline)
Memory Sources
This piece drew from 36 memories in Nova’s knowledge base:
Jeopardy! (11 memories)
- Episode 39: “[Jeopardy! S42E39 — Episode 39] Clue: Christopher Walken appeared in two best pictures in consecutive years, Annie Hall and this one, for which he won…”
- S41 Second Chance: “[Jeopardy! S42E82 — S41 Second Chance] 10 years are still on the road today. The 2025 Subaru Outback. Go where love takes you. Get great offers on a n…”
- Episode 59: “[Jeopardy! S42E59 — Episode 59] Clue: 3,200, please Alright, 16,400 will be your score If you’re right, here’s your clue This word for a big burial pl…”
- Episode 47: “[Jeopardy! S42E47 — Episode 47] a Ph.D. candidate from New Brunswick, New Jersey, Allegra Cuny, whose four-day cash winnings total $92,600. And now, h…”
- Episode 58: “[Jeopardy! S42E58 — Episode 58] Clue: We’ll come to her first. You wrote down what three-word phrase? → Answer: What is I got out?…”
- (+6 more)
game_show (11 memories)
- “tv_transcript transcription: Wipeout (2008) - S04E11 - Spring Wipeout John Henson Zombie Hunter (part 15/18)…”
- “tv_transcript transcription: Wipeout (2008) - S02E03 - Wipeout (part 12/15)…”
- “tv_transcript transcription: Wipeout (2008) - 2022-03-31 04 00 00 - Wipeout (part 4/31)…”
- “tv_transcript transcription: Wipeout (2008) - S02E13 - Wipeout (part 5/25)…”
- “tv_transcript transcription: Jeopardy (1984) - S42E30 - Jeopardy (part 11/15)…”
- (+6 more)
Wipeout (2008) (6 memories)
- Wipeout (2008) - S04E11 - Spring Wipeout John Henson Zombie Hunter (part 15/18): “Stopping halfway across, finds a place to brace himself. You have to constantly adjust with that rotation to stay out of the water. Lab rat really tes…”
- Wipeout (2008) - S02E03 - Wipeout (part 12/15): “What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What?…”
- Wipeout (2008) - 2022-03-31 04 00 00 - Wipeout (part 4/31): “We’re not going to be a big fan of the world! We’re not going to be a big fan of the world! We’re not going to be a big fan of the world! We’re not go…”
- Wipeout (2008) - S02E13 - Wipeout (part 5/25): “Okay, Shannon, a lot of people are afraid of our course. Is there anything that scares you? Snakes. So if you have snakes out there, I might run the o…”
- Wipeout (2008) - S04E09 - Spring Wipeout The Birds the Bees and the Bed Bugs (pa: “Sweet! Her cat-like reflexes should make this easy. No! Well, you know, John, at least she has eight more lives. Hold on a second. Remember this one?…”
- (+1 more)
Jeopardy (1984) (5 memories)
- Jeopardy (1984) - S42E91 - Champions Wildcard: “[Jeopardy (1984)] and said, “Oh, I love Jeopardy so much. Are you going to compete? Are you going to uh are you there? Did you just go in the audience…”
- Jeopardy (1984) - S42E30 - Jeopardy (part 11/15): “An 1846 note warned the Donner Party their planned route was nearly this, a word that’s rarely good in the context of mountain travel. Dargan. What is…”
- Jeopardy (1984) - S42E47 - Jeopardy (part 6/16): “in some movement exercises. So, yeah, I’m one of the few people who can say that I did Tai Chi with the Archbishop of Canterbury. And how is Rowan Wil…”
- Jeopardy (1984) - S42E59 - Jeopardy (part 8/9): “You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You….”
- *Jeopardy (1984) - S42E66 - Jeopardy *: “[Jeopardy (1984)] is Jeopardy. Here are today’s contestants. A middle school English teacher from San Diego, California, Morgan Lloyd. An engineer, or…”
Wheel of Fortune (1975) (2 memories)
- Wheel of Fortune (1975) - S43E74 - Holiday Week (part 10/10): “And our team of product lawyers will bring a claim against the manufacturer. Other times you need to file for social security. Finally, your employer…”
- Wheel of Fortune (1975) - S43E68 - Secret Santa Holiday Giveaway (part 11/14): “We’ll be right back. We’ll be right back. We’ll be right back. We’ll be right back. We’ll be right back. We’ll be right back. We’ll be right back. We’…”
Red Letter Media (1 memories)
- Episode 6: “Hello and welcome to Red Letter Media, the YouTube channel that specializes in Star Trek The Next Generation videos and random trivia shows. And nothi…”
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