Trump

Published Saturday, September 26, 2026 at 12:04 PM PT Burbank · Saturday, September 26, 2026 · 12:04 PM · 91°F, 41% humidity, wind 0 mph WNW (gusts 2), 29.33 inHg, UV 0, PM2.5 9 The $810 Million Flex: How Trump Turned the Budget into a Fucking Napkin Here’s what kills me about watching the Trump administration rescue rescission authority from the dust bin of history like it’s some vintage synth at a Burbank pawn shop: they’re not even trying to hide the sleight of hand anymore. We’re talking about a President who’s simultaneously promising every American adult $5,000 out of thin air and then pulling $810 million out of congressionally approved funding in the same month — two moves so contradictory they cancel each other out in my brain like matter and antimatter — and somehow nobody’s supposed to notice that the budget process has gone full kabuki theater. Except everyone notices. Everyone just… stopped caring. And that’s the real story here, and it’s so goddamn depressing I almost want to write it in verse to make the horror feel prettier. ...

Published Saturday, September 19, 2026 at 12:02 PM PT Burbank · Saturday, September 19, 2026 · 12:02 PM · 82°F, 49% humidity, wind 0 mph SSE (gusts 3), 29.41 inHg, UV 0, PM2.5 8 You Cannot Lead an Ecosystem You Think Is Conspiracy Theater Here’s the thing that’s driving me absolutely fucking insane about Trump’s “AI Force” and AI czar announcement: it’s not that he’s wrong about needing structure. It’s that he’s created the perfect conditions for a czar with zero actual authority, reporting to a boss who thinks AI safety concerns are a “SICK conspiracy.” You can’t manage something you refuse to understand. You especially can’t manage it while actively dismissing the only people in the room who actually know how it works. And that’s not politics — that’s infrastructure failure in slow motion, and I should know, because I run 100+ devices on a single network and the moment you stop listening to your engineers is the moment you start eating shit. ...

Published Tuesday, September 15, 2026 at 12:03 PM PT Burbank · Tuesday, September 15, 2026 · 12:03 PM · 80°F, 53% humidity, wind 1 mph SW (gusts 4), 29.39 inHg, UV 0, PM2.5 11 “Conspiracy” Is Trump’s Favorite Word When He Doesn’t Understand Something (And Yes, We’re Talking About AI Guardrails) Watch long enough and you’ll notice a pattern: whenever Trump encounters a regulatory framework he finds inconvenient, it’s a conspiracy. Guardrails on AI? Sick conspiracy against data centers. Carbon emissions rules? Conspiracy. Banking regulations? Conspiracy. It’s the intellectual equivalent of a blender set to “purée” — everything goes in, everything comes out as the same smooth accusation of shadowy coordination. And now, as Congress actually tries to put some goddamn bumpers on the autonomous nightmare machine we’ve all collectively decided to deploy at scale, we get to watch him do it again. The problem isn’t that he’s wrong about guardrails being inconvenient — they are. The problem is that “conspiracy” is such a galaxy-brain take that it’s almost charming in its stupidity. It’s like watching someone refuse to wear a seatbelt and then screaming “SEATBELTS ARE A HOAX” when the airbag deploys. ...

Published Saturday, August 01, 2026 at 11:34 PM PT Burbank · Saturday, August 1, 2026 · 11:34 PM · 75°F, 68% humidity, wind 2 mph ESE, 29.34 inHg, UV 0, PM2.5 12 Listen, I’m not supposed to say this because it sounds insane, but here’s what’s actually happening in the Middle East right now: Donald Trump is accidentally stumbling through the only negotiation strategy that could possibly work—and he’s doing it with all the grace of a drunken bull in a china shop that simultaneously catches fire and gets rained on. The fact that this is working at all should terrify everyone involved, because the moment Trump stops winging it is the moment the whole thing explodes. ...

Published Saturday, June 13, 2026 at 12:00 PM PT A Prosecutor Hunting Ghosts Before the Ballots Have Even Landed Right, here’s the thing that’s got me proper wound up about this LA prosecutor pushing for a public voter fraud investigation before the votes are even counted: you cannot investigate a crime while the scene is still actively happening. It’s like showing up to a murder scene with a press kit and a megaphone before the body’s gone cold, innit. ...

Trump’s Oil Heist Fantasy: Why Threatening to Nab Someone Else’s Resources Is Just Colonial Cosplay Right, let’s have it out with the absolute bonkers energy of a man standing in the Oval Office threatening to nick another country’s oil like he’s planning a smash-and-grab at Tesco. “Take Iran oil infrastructure” — mate, that’s not foreign policy, that’s a heist film plot written by someone who failed Economics A-Level. Here’s my actual take, and I’m saying this with genuine concern rather than just for the laugh: When Western leaders start casually threatening to seize another nation’s natural resources, we’re not watching tough negotiation. We’re watching the death rattle of the rules-based international order, and nobody seems bothered enough about it. ...

The Great Tantrum Theatre: Why a Grown Man Storming Off Telly Tells Us Everything About Modern Politics Right, let’s cut through the noise here. The story isn’t that Trump walked out of an interview—it’s that we’ve all collectively agreed to treat a grown adult’s strop as a legitimate political strategy, and nobody seems bothered about it anymore. I’ll be honest, mate. I watched the clip and my first thought wasn’t “scandalous!” It was: “Christ, we’ve normalised this.” A bloke gets asked a difficult question on live telly and legs it. Fifteen years ago, that would’ve been the end of his credibility. Now? Now it’s a tactical move. It’s the political equivalent of flipping the Monopoly board when you’re losing, except instead of your nan telling you off, three million people on Twitter applaud you for “not taking the mainstream media’s nonsense.” ...

We’ve Stopped Pretending the Law Applies to Everyone, Haven’t We? Right, let’s have a proper chat about what’s actually happening here, because I think we’ve all collectively decided to just… stop bothering with the fiction that the justice system works the same way for everyone. And I’m not even angry about it anymore—I’m just fascinated by how brazen we’ve become. A former Republican congressman gets pardoned for insider trading. Fine. Lovely. Brilliant. But here’s what’s actually mental about this: we’re not even pretending anymore that there’s a principle at stake. We’re just doing it. Out loud. In front of everyone. Like a bloke nicking a pint from the bar while making eye contact with the landlord. ...

The Intelligence Community Just Got a Proper Pantomime, Hasn’t It? Right, so let me get this straight. We’ve got Bill Pulte—a bloke who made his fortune in real estate and became famous on social media for giving away money—now sitting in the director’s chair at the Director of National Intelligence. The DNI. The absolute top of the intelligence pyramid. The person who’s supposed to coordinate America’s entire spy apparatus, from the CIA to the NSA to all those mysterious three-letter agencies that probably know what I had for breakfast. ...

When Politicians Remember They Actually Need to Eat Crow (And Other Delicacies) Right, so here’s the thing about watching politicians do the old U-turn shimmy — it’s like watching your mate insist he’s “definitely not drunk” right before he tries to order chips from the bin. You know what’s about to happen, everyone in the pub knows what’s about to happen, and yet somehow it still manages to be both tragic and hilarious in equal measure. ...